This spirituality stuff is funny business. A blogger I recently started following wrote a really intriguing article entitled “What Is the Spiritual Path?” He recounts how we stop and start, learn and forget, or better yet, move beyond what we have learned to the point that we feel like we’re starting over from scratch.
I for one, feel like a baby. All over again. I have been here so many times it seems, only to fall off, or forget, or just say the hell with it for a time. And it’s funny, because I always find myself back here again, looking around, marvelling at the wonder of it all. I sincerely hope that I never lose the child in me that finds everything in life so awesome.
So, here I am. I meditate, I hike, I write (sometimes!), and now I’m finding many a lesson from a dog named Molly. It’s all so wide open. What works for me, doesn’t have to work for you. And what worked for me yesterday, doesn’t have to work for me today. It’s all just where it is, and to be more precise, it’s all where I am.
But be warned. If you truly embark upon the spiritual path, there is no return. It is all or nothing.
Now, I don’t mean to suggest that your spiritual journey doesn’t ebb and flow, as it most certainly does. I mean, just because I watch television, doesn’t mean I’m only a television watcher, does it? No, of course not. So spirituality is only one aspect of who I am, albeit, a large part, but when you’re on the path, no matter how many detours you take, you’re still on the path.
I was meditating the other day, and I was again surprised by the message that came through. Why I continue to be surprised at this point seems comical to me, but that’s ok.
I saw myself doing little exercises that I have done off and on for years. Yoga, mantras, meditations, etc., etc. I asked why it was that I would do something for a little while, and then I would stop, or lose interest, or my ADD would kick in, and I would want to try something entirely different. Sometimes it’s anything different, as long as it isn’t spiritual. Which, by the way, is just fine, if that is what I (or you) feel in any given moment.
The answer was simple, and like a good answer, it was one that I already knew. All those times that I start, then stop is just the dying of the ego. It’s like I’m being tricked by me. (I should have seen it coming, huh?)
For me, I want to doubt that I could have a genuine, true-to-life spiritual experience. That stuff only happens to real masters, and teachers, and, hell, I don’t know who else, but certainly that couldn’t happen for little ole me. Or I suddenly feel an urge to rebel. Sometimes I think I must look ridiculous, or stupid, or worse, I could look un-cool. God forbid.
The truth is that I could choose, right here, right now, to be fully on the path, and let nothing stand in my way. Not even me. But, that doesn’t always happen. I do get in my own way. Well, maybe not me exactly, but my ego. Fighting for every breath, every inch of life, the ego will do and say anything to get me to quit, even for a minute.
There is no going back, Ego. Almost hate to break it to you, my old friend.
Now it’s just a matter of learning to be patient and loving and forgiving enough to myself in those times when I do get distracted or detoured or derailed by the ego.
So, I stand before myself spiritually naked. Looking at me and this life and my place in it as a babe. Again. I think I’m finally starting to understand that for every new “level” (for lack of a better word) or breakthrough, I will continue to feel like a new baby freshly arrived.
Maybe you already know this. Maybe you’re just trying to keep it together sometimes like me.
Have faith and heart, my friends. Just be aware. Once you truly enter through the gate to embark upon this amazing journey, there will be no going back. It will be continuous throughout your lifetime, and we may struggle and fall, but when you’re in, you’re in. There is no out for the true pupil. So, enter at your own risk. Well, maybe at the Ego’s risk, anyway.
Spiritual Satori 