Conversations with Spirit, Pt. I

“There are a few things I haven’t told you, and before you hear them from someone else, to clear up misconceptions, I’d rather tell you myself…There was a time…”  Bonus points if you know this reference.

Ok, there are some things I haven’t told you, but I don’t really have the time to write every day all day long either, and you would just get bored after a while anyway.  This, though, might be interesting.

One thing I haven’t mentioned is that my Sciatic nerve has been wreaking havoc on my back and hip for the last two weeks, to the point where I’ve been on my back with ice and lots of stretching.  It hasn’t been the most fun, but, as I have come to accept that these types of things are Spirit’s way of getting my attention, I’m doing my best to take it all in stride.

A week or so ago, I decided that all the stretching and ice in the world may not make a difference if I didn’t ask for help in understanding what was happening.  The sciatic nerve is an interesting part of the body.  It has to do with issues in the back, the hip and the nervous system.  So, we can conclude from this that there is an issue that I don’t want to acknowledge (back), about my movement in life (hip), and the way in which I express or communicate said issue (nerves), which clearly has to do with my spiritual self (left side of the body).

Having practically exhausted all of my options in alleviating the pain with ice, rest, stretching, even Vicodin that a friend gave me, and still finding no relief, I thought the best thing to do would to be to ask the why’s and the what’s of my circumstance.  After some thought, it seemed the only way to do this would be to go “into” the pain, sit with it, and ask it why it was there.

I decided to meditate of all places in the car while my roommate and I were running some errands together.  She was driving, don’t worry, I wasn’t practicing unsafe meditation practices.

What I was looking for was not exactly what I received, but like Mick Jagger said, I got just what I needed.

Sitting inside the pain, I simply kept asking it to let go over and over again.  Suddenly there was a voice of sorts.

I’ve heard things before audibly, and while this wasn’t that kind of conversation, I was definitely being spoken to.  It was like Esther Hicks and Abraham, in that the “voice” referred to itself as “we”.

I was told things such as, and again I paraphrase:

“Don’t worry, we are doing this.  You must be patient, as this will pass, but you must trust that we have it under control.  You are going through big transitions, and this is part of your transformation.  As you change, movement will be difficult, very difficult, and, at times, practically impossible.  We are watching over you.  Be patient.  On the other side of this is a freedom of movement that you have yet to experience in this lifetime.”

I heard it, and I understood the message, but Spirit wasn’t quite finished yet.  “They” wanted to give me a visual also.

In my mind’s eye, I saw a huge block slowly rotating, floating in the air before me.  Suddenly, it began to break down into thousands of tiny little blocks.  The tiny blocks began moving, slowly at first, then they began to pick up speed.  The entire block was transforming into something else, and the block itself was initiating the change.  It kind of reminded me of the AllSpark from Transformers, if you’re into that sort of thing.  (Guilty pleasure!)

I didn’t see the complete transformation of the block because that wasn’t the point “they” were trying to make.  They wanted me to see how difficult and/or impossible movement could be under such a tremendous shift.  I thanked “them” for the insight and the meditation was over.

The pain, however, wasn’t, and still isn’t over.  A few days after that, I decided to try meditating again, but “they” were not interested in re-hashing what had already be discussed.  Spirit had a new message for me.

Published in: on July 7, 2011 at 11:39 am  Comments (3)  
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An Inventory Of The Dark

It occurs to me that as I have promised myself that this will be the year of my body, and healing that body, that I have yet to report exactly what it is that I’m working on.  I thought an inventory of these things might be helpful to both me and you.  Maybe you have a similar pain, or ache, or injury, and you can benefit from exploring what it means, how we might fix it, and the growth that may be attained as a result.

This part scares me.  I have to be real and honest with myself, and that is always an interesting endeavor.  In fact, I was visited by something dark last night in my dreams.  What it was, I don’t know.  A harbinger of the possible depths to which I will have to dive and the accompanying darkness that those depths may contain?  Maybe.  It was an energy that stuck its face in my face and had me awakening in a gasp.  It wasn’t that bad, I mean, I didn’t feel terribly threatened or anything, but it was more like it was just letting me know it was there.

I don’t want to do this.  I don’t want to be here.  I don’t want to face the dark.  I was always afraid of the dark as a kid.  I did what I think every kid probably did at least once or twice growing up.  I would carefully turn down the blankets on my bed, shut off the light, then race back, leaping into the air, land on the bed and tumble and turn, coccoon myself into the blankets before the “something” of the dark would catch me.  My head was exposed.  I never seemed to have an answer for that.  The Dark.

So here I am.  I still don’t want to face the dark.  I would love to run, leap, and fly through the air, land on my spiritual pillows, wrap myself up in spiritual blankets, and forget the whole thing. 

So much for trepidation. 

My right hip and hamstring have been hurting for a few years.  This came about as an unrecognized, neglected displacement of my hips, which was really more about my left hip at the time.  This is certain:  my hips are out of alignment, and my right one has a dull pain that never really goes away.  Both hamstrings are extremely tight.

My ankles have been rolled so many times from playing basketball, I can now almost roll my ankles over to the outside without much more than a slight wince.  My neck is constantly tight, feeling that it needs to be cracked.  My left shoulder-blade was slammed to a concrete floor about 8 years ago and still hasn’t healed properly.  My wrists are weak.

I feel broken in places, and weak in most others.  I have let things go over the past few years.  That all changed with Back To Basics.  I have been hiking, as I committed, at least twice a week, sometimes more.  I started going back to yoga, three times last week, in fact. 

Over the next week, I will talk about each temporary ailment and pain.  I will use the Mind Body Workbook, and other references to tell what the different parts of the body represent.  Then I will continue to post as I heal.  I’m facing the dark and creating light in its place.

Published in: on February 8, 2011 at 4:51 pm  Leave a Comment  
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The Lotus On The Beach

On Monday, I went to the beach with my roommate.  Venice and Santa Monica are my favorite places in this area.  There is so much activity with vendors, people on vacations, the most interesting homeless communities, there really seems to be no end at marvels and wonders.  And with Monday being Martin Luther King, Jr.’s day of remembrance, coupled with 80 degree weather, it was like a summer weekend.

My roommate and I had another opportunity for growth in the days leading up to Monday.  We do that sometimes.  We push each other (mostly in a loving fashion) to grow, to wake up, to see or hear in ways we never anticipated or expected.  We don’t fight.  We don’t really argue, but we will debate the hell out of a topic.  Here and there, we cross some imaginary line that we didn’t mean to, and we fall down, learn to pick ourselves up, and the other is always right there, despite the hurt or injury caused, to help clean the dust off.  And we walk on. 

It was my turn to be the initiator of said line-crossing.  It took a day, but we made it.  Monday was our “let’s-go-hang-out-on-the-beach-with-loving-hearts-and-heal” day.

Much like  I have hidden my real self, my real knowings, my real heart and mind, my real wisdom from all of you, I have done the same to my roommate.  I have done it doubly so to myself over the years, but I’ve moved beyond that now, and my roommate has been a tremendous support and catalyst to get me off my ass.  It took her bluntly asking me to show that side of myself, constant reminding and prodding, but she has been amazing in getting me to open that up in myself.  Point being, she is a willing and happy guinea pig to my random thoughts and exercises.

My roommate carries something heavy on her shoulders.  It shows in her posture.  We all tell stories by the bodies we carry.  I have heard stories of a man who can watch you walk across a room a few times and then deliver, with great accuracy, your life’s history.  There are practitioners of body study that can supposedly tell you much of your emotional blockage by viewing your standing posture.  We carry much information in these bodies of ours. 

I decided to play a game with my roommate as we walked along the beach soaking up the beautiful energy and sunshine.  I wanted to see if it could help her posture, but these things, like always, are things I know I need for myself, and I am gratefully to have such a wonderful companion to test these things out.  Let me say this:  I borrow from past experiences, and I listen to my inner wisdom, and I try not to judge what comes through.  You may know something like this, as I am sure that this exists in some form or another somewhere, but for me, this is all just listening, experiencing and learning.  Remember, just a signpost.  There are many roads.

I want you to face the sun.  Close your eyes.  Fold your hands like a child would during a prayer.  Now, keeping your fingers interlaced, I want you to flatten your hands on your chest where you feel your heart chakra to be. 

Good.  Now, imagine your heart chakra as a closed lotus flower.  Pay attention.  Is your heart chakra/lotus flower so buried that it’s under your skin?  Is it breaking the surface?  Just notice where it is.

For me, at first, it seemed my lotus flower was buried.  My skin looked like some ancient leather that covered a buried treasure.  I had to watch as the leathery, sort of red colored skin cracked, releasing some ancient essence from its hold.  It took a few minutes, so be patient with yourself if you try this.

Now I want you to imagine a string, a beam of light, a wire, whatever resonates with you, that runs from the sun down to the middle of your lotus flower.  Now feel the sun gently pulling your lotus flower open.  Your lotus flower wants to drink in the sun.  Surrender to the feeling of being drawn open by the sun.

We walked along the beach the rest of the day, checking in with each other periodically to see how open we had allowed our heart chakras to become.  It was beautiful.  I will tell you a secret that helps me with this meditation.  As I breathe in, sometimes I will use my fingers to “pull” open my body in the vicinity of my heart chakra.  Something sometimes shifts when I do this, and it feels like a portal has been opened.  Try it and let me know if and how it works for you.

I can tell you that my roommate’s shoulders were pulled back further than I think I have ever seen them.  I felt great.  Leading from your heart, now there is a concept.

We walked to the water.  With children running around and screaming and giggling in pure ecstasy, joggers passing by, the water sweeping in and out, covering and then revealing our feet, we faced each direction, talked to the animal spirits, and we meditated. 

Watching the sun go down while the moon looked over our shoulders, we were at peace.

Published in: on January 22, 2011 at 9:01 am  Comments (1)  
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Oh! My Back!

Ok, so a couple of people have posted comments on the blog about not having an email contact.  I have taken care of that in case anyone else may want to email me.  It’s down under the LAZY SEEKER tab, and it simply says “Email Me”.  So to that end, I will dole out my first response to email in the public forum.

“You’ve got me wondering what your BODY MIND WORKBOOK says about lower back pain, specifically, disc herniation and also maybe right leg adductor/rotator pain.  Just curious since those are the spots that have seemed to plague me the last couple years.”

This is simply a translated prognosis from Debbie Shapiro‘s book THE BODY MIND WORKBOOK. Click on her name to visit her website to learn more.

The spine is pretty important, but that should come as no surprise. From conception, the spine begins development at the neck, and through the gestation period finishes at the genitals.  This can be seen as a our coming from the spirit to the physical.  The kundalini energy, or the coiled serpent of spiritual power, begins at the base of the spine and works it way backwards through the chakras to take us from the physical back to the spirit.

According to Shapiro, the back is a place for us to dump all our garbage.  It is a place on our bodies that we can’t very easily see on our own without the aid of mirrors and such, and so, by that logic, we want to believe that no one else can see the back (read: our garbage) either.  If all roads lead to Rome, then the spine is the Rome from which all roads begin.  Everything we experience is routed through the spine in some form or another.

The lower back, more specifically, deals with aging or growing older.  Perhaps that pain in the lower back has to do with how well (or not so well) you are dealing with getting older.  If you honestly look at yourself, perhaps you will find some resistance there.  It is a bit of an inevitable thing, so perhaps some honest self-evaluation will reveal that you need to move into acceptance of that fact.

We cannot, however, talk of the lower back without addressing the pelvis.  Where the lower back merges with the spine represents relationship.  The pelvis is our center of movement for the entire body.  Are you concerned with the direction in which your life is going?  Maybe you’re concerned with the direction of a relationship.  And relationship doesn’t necessarily mean personal or romantic.  It could be a business or professional relationship, or any other relationship to which this could apply in your life, so think creatively, and, perhaps, more importantly, listen intuitively.  It could also be your own personal spiritual relationship.  Perhaps you are growing or reaching out for a higher spiritual plane, and this most definitely is a time for growth on all levels for all of us.  A fear of losing ground (in whatever way in which that resonates for you) could cause pain in this area.

Then there is the fact that all this is taking place on the right side of the body, or the masculine or Yang side of the body.  There could be some conflict in your intellect, practicality or assertiveness, to name a few.  It could also represent a conflict of competition for you.

So, again, listen to your intuition and your body’s responses as you read.

I hope this helps the person that wrote to me, and I hope it helps anyone else that may be dealing with this same issue.  Remember, this is only a guide, and a borrowed one at that.  If something here resonates with you, then pay attention to that as it might hold a key to your health.  Above all else, believe in and trust your feelings and intuitions.

Published in: on December 10, 2009 at 2:22 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Love and the Dead Fish

Things are looking up!  My spine is happier and healthier than ever.  My neck is too, and my hip, and my shoulder, but, man, have the shoulder and neck been cranky lately.

I just looked up what that meant in Debbie Shapiro’s book, The Body Mind Workbook, and I’m not sure I really wanted know all of that information, but it is apropos.  The neck indicates a limited perspective, or narrow mindedness, perhaps, and the shoulder represents a lot of heart energy, as in, if you’re not doing what you should be doing according to your heart, then it can manifest as pain in your shoulder.  Didn’t I just say something about fighting what I know I “should be” doing?

Ken did his routine magic with regards to the re-alignment of my body. I was lying down on my back, and Ken was working on my neck.

I work in a restaurant, and we have two fish on the menu at night, so there is no end to the supply of fish that I see being prepped on a regular basis.  The chef is very thorough.  He feels the fish, carefully sliding a surgical gloved hand back and forth against the flesh, examining every inch of it.  Back and forth, back and forth, he always seems to be looking for something, reading, absorbing the messages the spiritless body reveals to him.  The flesh always acquiesces to the gently prodding of the chef’s hand.  Then, quickly, deftly, he slices.  One fillet.  Then, the process resumes from the top.  Feeling, looking, reading the body that remains.

It’s a strange thing to see, really, but one that has helped me in my work with Ken, oddly enough.  It’s difficult to let go when Ken works the neck.  So to help myself, I imagine my neck as the flesh of the dead sea dweller.  I allow Ken to work the flesh like the chef prepping the evening’s meal.  Information which I decide to share today with Ken.

I should have known as much.  He always gets me when least I suspect it.

“What’s that about?”

Control, I think.

“And what’s the worst thing that happens if you lose control?  First thing that pops in.”

I’m not doing what I want.

My answer was filled with apprehension.

“And what’s the worst thing that happens if you’re not doing what you want?”

And on and on we went, until somehow we ended up on a ride that took us to love from the beginning of the end of a dead fish.  Let the Theta-Healing begin.

And so we did.  Ken began the process.  Asking me questions about love.  Did I deserve it?  Was I allowing myself to be open?  Was I afraid of being hurt?  Was love suffering?  Was love pain?

Hurt.  I was afraid of opening up and finding myself hurt.  I didn’t know that.  I also didn’t know that love was suffering and pain according to my body’s wisdom.  Not consciously, anyway.  But here we were, and I have seen and felt enough through this journey to believe in this process.  Ken would ask me if I wanted to change this pattern and that pattern, to which I always replied, “yes”.

Ken did something today that he had never before done.  While he was asking me questions about control and taking us down that rabbit hole, he gently grabbed my face and said, “look at me”.   I was ready to bawl.  I didn’t.  I held it all in for some reason, but it was there.  I had always closed my eyes through this part.  This time I decided to watch.

Ken’s head bobbed lightly back and forth every time he asked me if I wanted change a pattern and I answered yes.  My yes was his permission, the button that made the ride begin.  His eyes closed, he just kept nodding, the silence broken only by his first yip of the day.  We laughed as he described his optimistic hope of getting through the session without a single yip.  With his eyes closed in a trance-like state, he was performing some of his wizardry of ridding me of old patterns and giving me new, more constructive and productive ones.  It’s part of the stuff I don’t fully understand intellectually, but I “feel” intuitively.  He finished by asking me if I believed the new patterns we had just established.  I said yes.  My body said yes.  Maybe things really are looking up.

Published in: on November 23, 2009 at 10:28 pm  Leave a Comment  
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